


The next day

by soy_em



Series: 12 days of Wincestmas 2016 [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Exhibitionism, Light Bondage, M/M, Praise Kink, Pre-Stanford, Rough Sex, Spanking, Threesome, Voyeurism, mentions of:, sam is 15 at the beginning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-09-17 10:59:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9320579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soy_em/pseuds/soy_em
Summary: Sam is 15 the first time he watches Dean have sex.She’s the exact opposite of Sam and he’s unable to stop himself from imagining that it’s him underneath Dean, that the annoying, loud girl is actually Sam, shivering as his brother touches him for the first time.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [random_firework](https://archiveofourown.org/users/random_firework/gifts).



Sam is 15 the first time he watches Dean have sex.

Well, that’s not quite true - he’s seen Dean with girls before, they live together so closely and Dean has no absolutely no sense of shame - but he’s 15 the first time he makes the conscious decision to watch.

Dean thinks Sam is at soccer practice, but it’s been cancelled today. He comes home, ready to immerse himself in Lord of the Flies, but as he heads up to the room that he and Dean are sharing, he hears a girl’s voice, murmuring encouragingly, “Oh yes, just there. More. Oh.”

Sam knows it’s wrong. He’s annoyed at Dean, for bringing a girl back to their room, but he knows that doesn’t give him the right to stay and that he should turn himself right back around, go back downstairs and sit in the car until his brother is done.

But Sam has known about his feelings for Dean for quite some time now, and he can’t resist the opportunity to see his beautiful brother in action. He sneaks quietly up the stairs, feeling guilty about using his hunter training to perv on his brother. As he reaches the door to their room, he realises that there’s little need to be quiet - Dean is unlikely to hear him over the racket the girl is making. 

Dean has picked up a girl from Sam’s school - one of the senior year cheerleaders, no one Sam hangs out with. She’s blonde, and chirpy, and petite, and curvy, and she laughs a lot. She’s the exact opposite of Sam, whose growth spurt has made him lanky and unable to control his own limbs, and whose hormones have made him so snappy he often annoys even himself.

Dean is crouched at the end of the bed in just his boxers, eating her out. The girl has her legs spread around Dean’s face and she’s rocking her hips up rhythmically. Dean is clearly enthusiastic about his task, his head moving and his hands sliding up and down her legs. As Sam watches, the girl comes with a shout, her toes curling in a way Sam can’t help but think is a huge cliche. 

Dean pulls back, and even though his face is hidden from Sam, he can easily imagine his brother’s blinding, smug grin. “Like that, sweetheart?” 

“Mmm, yes. Come on, fuck me,” is the response.

Dean strips out of his boxers and climbs onto the bed.

Sam is not so far gone that he touches himself while he watches, however much he wants to. But he was right - Dean is glorious like this - and he’s unable to stop himself from imagining that it’s him underneath Dean, that the annoying, loud girl is actually Sam, shivering as his brother touches him for the first time. 

It goes on for a lot longer than Sam would have thought, and he watches the whole time, hips shifting unconsciously, so hard he can feel his pulse pounding in his ears. The girl comes first, of course (Sam’s had several lectures from Dean about that) and then Dean comes, with a punched out little sound that Sam wants to make Dean make again and again and again.

Sam barely makes it to the bathroom before he’s coming, stripping his cock over the toilet bowl; eyes rolling back in his head and sparks shooting down his spine. 

He’s ashamed, afterwards, of course he is - but he still thinks it was worth it.

***

The second time is a different town, a different girl, a brunette this time. Sam is once again supposed to be at an extracurricular activity (theatre, not soccer) and Dean is taking advantage of the rare free hour to entertain. 

Sam doesn’t recognise this girl, which later will make him feel a little less guilty - he won’t have to go into school the next day and picture his stunning, naked brother every time he sees her. He’d felt so bad about that - he’d peeped on them having sex and then couldn’t even do the girl the decency of finding her attractive. She’d been nothing compared to Dean’s stardust in his mind.

This girl is going down on his brother, settled with her legs curled under her between his brother’s knees. She’s intensely enthusiastic, and she’s making Dean writhe and curse above her. Sam is suddenly so jealous that he understands now that when people say blindingly jealous, they actually mean it - his vision whites out for a moment as he gets himself back under control. 

Dean has his eyes closed, his head tipped back, and he’s cradling the girl’s head so gently, not pushing her about at all. Sam wants to be the girl so badly, wants to make Dean look blissful - but he also wants to make Dean go further. He imagines that if it were him on his knees, Dean wouldn’t be half as gentle - he’d tug Sam’s hair, pull him up and down on Dean’s cock, make him hold it longer than he should - and Sam would love it. He becomes aware that his hand is in his own hair, tugging hard as he imagines Dean would. He manages to stop for a moment, but then Dean moans, long and low, and his resolve weakens.

As he watches Dean, he finds it more and more difficult to think of reasons why he shouldn’t touch himself. He shouldn’t, it’s wrong, they don’t know they’re being watched. He wouldn’t like it if it were him (except, Sam has had a long time to explore his own thoughts around being with Dean and one fantasy that gets him off every time is of other people watching as Dean takes him) - so that argument doesn’t work. His hand inches closer and closer to his cock, scratching at his tummy, digging his nails into his thigh to try and stop himself. 

He loses the battle when Dean starts talking, praising the girl and telling her how good it feels. He can only.imagine how good it would feel if Dean praised him like that. Dean is getting closer and closer, and suddenly Sam wants nothing more than to finish at the same time as his brother, to make it feel like they are coming together. As he slips his hand into his pants he has more trouble holding off than he’d thought. He manages to hold off until Dean comes, watching his brother’s every move, every twitch of muscle, the way his hands finally tighten in the girl’s hair, the way his sinfully long eyelashes flutter - and then Sam’s own orgasm crashes through him.

Dean kisses the girl afterwards, and if Sam thought the way he’d felt before was bad, it has nothing on his fury as he watches someone else kiss his brother.

***

It becomes something of a habit after that, watching Dean with girls. Sam learns the signs, to see when his brother is itching and restless, and he joins a lot more after-school activities just so that he can blow them off at will to spy on his brother. He sees Dean kissing girls, for hours on end, kissing and touching and stroking. He sees Dean having the kind of athletic, bendy sex that would make a pornstar blush. He sees Dean with twins once, his treacherous brain pointing out that clearly, Dean doesn’t have a problem with incest. He sees Dean indulging in the kind of kinky activities that make Sam’s brain short-circuit - tying girls up, getting tied up himself, exploring some light spanking, going down on a girl dressed as a nurse. 

Throughout it all, the one constant is that he wants to be the one doing those things with Dean. He does worry, sometimes, that despite all the times he’s watched, he’s never once seen Dean do anything he’d say no to - if anything, he has a lot of other ideas he’d like to share with his brother. 

And most of all, the thing he never forgets, the thing he struggles to hang on to, is that it will never be him.

***

Sam also spends these years fielding questions and teasing from his brother on why there are _no girls, or boys, or sheep or whatthefuckever Sammy, surely you must wanna fuck someone?_ He does kiss a few girls and even a couple of boys, but it doesn’t take him long to realise that there are no fireworks, that no kissing or touching feels like the way he does when he’s just watching Dean. Those kisses are even a poor reflection of the way he feels on the rare occasions he lets Dean touch him now, the times when he feel strong enough to let Dean pull him in for a hug, or when they are forced to curl together in the same bed in a crappy motel room. 

He’s just short of 18 when he meets Annabel. She’s perfect for him in every single way, and they get on like a house on fire. She’s stunningly pretty - he can see the way Dean looks at her - and they have the same sense of humour. She’s even a little geeky, happy to read and learn with him and as fascinated by true crime facts as he is. 

She’s perfect, and Sam knows it. So when she kisses him, one sticky sweet night in February, made sweeter by some stolen schnapps, he’s expecting to at least feel something. It might not be like the way he feels for Dean, but surely, for this wonderful, beautiful girl, there’ll be something, some enjoyment.

It just feels like going through the motions. What’s worse, Annabel can tell immediately. 

She’s very understanding, comforting him after his scrambled story of a girl left behind in the town they just left, a real star-crossed lovers tale because Sam got caught out and exaggerated his lie. They stay friends and she looks after him at school, tries to draw him out of his shell. She kisses him again in May - “Just wanted to see if you were over her” - and Sam sees her heart break a little when it’s clear that nothing has changed. All he can think of is the girl he’d seen Dean kissing earlier that day, the way the thought of taking her place had made his body sing, and there’s nothing of that here.

That’s when he knows - he has to leave Dean. He has to walk away, to give himself a chance to to get over his brother, away from seeing Dean’s beauty every day, away from the temptation of watching him. Above all, he has to leave before Dean realises how Sam feels and comes to hate him. Sam knows he wouldn’t be able to survive that.

He sends his acceptance letter to Stanford the next day.

**Author's Note:**

> Check out my [Tumblr](http://soy-em.tumblr.com/)


End file.
